I absolutely realize that no one knows what will happen on any given day. sometimes the best things happen- like you run into an old friend you haven’t seen in forever. or you find a $100 bill in your back pocket (that’s never happened to me before, but I can only imagine how happy I would be if that did happen. actually, when I was in Toronto there really was a $100 bill AND a $5 in the washing machine and I almost pooped my pants with excitement. but then I bragged about finding it and my mom took it from me cause she ‘claimed’ it was hers. she let me keep the fiver though and I still felt like a lottery winner.) but on the flip side- terrible things can happen without any warning. I don’t have to give examples of this because people are all too familiar with tragedy and pain.
but, as much as I can- I like to plan ahead. I have a big dry erase calendar in our dining room that has all the events of the month on there. I check it often, add things, occasionally erase things, and if it doesn’t make it on the board- it doesn’t exist. I have almost forgotten to show up somewhere for lunch more than once because it didn’t make the calendar.
there is an event next week that is in bright green- which signifies all the things that have to do with J. the event is a court date. the last two court dates- one in January, the next in May- J’s siblings were all returned to a kinship placement. J’s siblings are all older than her, and so at present the kinship placement is just a ‘guardianship’. in other words- they’re still foster kids living in a foster home. so as soon as J’s siblings went home in may (maybe it was april…) chris and I started mentally preparing ourselves for J to go home at the next court date- which is next week. BUT there are a bunch of things that are supposed to get done before J goes home, and I honestly have NO IDEA whether or not they’ve been done yet. NO IDEA. and no one has any answers for me. so, even though I am aware that we have to take it one day at a time, and we shouldn’t be anxious about anything (phil 4:6), and that each day has enough troubles of it’s own (matt 6:34)- I DON’T KNOW WHAT MY FAMILY WILL LOOK LIKE NEXT WEEK. it’s very strange.
now mind you- we’ve been here before. J is our first foster babe, and she has lived with us for a year and a month. 43% of her life. before we got her- we were in this limbo of not knowing when we would get our foster baby and what they would be like and how long we would have her for. foster care is living in limbo. for foster kids, and for foster families. it’s not normal. but nothing in this whole picture is. but we’ve generally known what to expect with J and her family situation. until the last few weeks when we were finding out things weren’t really happening, but there was still a chance that they could get done. so we are operating as if J probably maybe isn’t leaving, but also trying to be prepared for if she surprisingly perhaps by chance does… it’s enough to cause a person to jump out of a moving vehicle. again.