if only we had a fan that crap could hit…

December 13, 2009

today was a long day. in our efforts to not have lily sleep in our bed, she now wakes up in the middle of the night and cries. last night i went to bed pretty late, and chris came home at about 3 am(from work. not clubbing.) so when lily started crying, no one took notice. except for topher. so chris and i woke up at about 5am to lily and topher crying their heads off. chris brought lily back to bed with him. i slept on the floor in topher’s room with topher. only topher didn’t sleep. he stared at me. did laps around the room. collapsed on to my face for kisses and hugs. it was all so funny and sweet. if only it hadn’t been 5 in the frickin morning.

so that’s how the day started. and it didn’t get better. chris woke up at about 10ish. we started getting ready to go to costco, when the kids decided they needed a chocolate boost for the day- so they both said they wanted to potty. smart, conniving kids. so we gave them their dues- one m&m for sitting on the potty for at least 15 seconds. and i went to my room to get dressed, and to use the potty myself. topher was running around bare bottom, which happens a lot lately. but of course, today was a disaster. i was in the bathroom for a minute. max. i come out and find topher standing in his own feces that are stamped into the carpet. there is a GIANT turd right in front of me, a smaller turd beside that, and a smooshed turd, and little turdy footsteps leading to where my absolutely wretchedly disgusting son is standing. ‘Oh no! Poo poos!’ he says. i said the same thing, (in my head!) only using sinful adult vocabulary.

i threw him (almost literally) into my bathtub (where he dropped another baby deuce)and yell for Chris. kinda cause i need his help, but mostly so he can just see what happened. and boy was he disgusted and impressed. i am not joking- it looked like an adult had crapped on my floor. it was a big one. i picked up most of the poop with toilet paper. i scrubbed the crap outta the dirty spots with carpet cleaner and a sponge. there is surprisingly very little evidence left that anything inappropriate happened here today. i then proceeded to give topher a bath, and picked the poo in the bathtub up with my bare hands. cause why waste the toilet paper at this point? i already had stained hands from trying to get poo flakes to go down the drain in the tub.

so that was my day. it got better from there- but come on, how could it have gotten worse? i guess he could have pooed and ate it and then vomitted on the carpet on top of his poops…



if only we had a fan that crap could hit…


  1. Shannon says:

    Hehe. I'm so glad that he did not eat his poop and then throw it up. That would have been very upsetting.

    Loved this story so much though, that I just paused the wonderful TV on dvd that we are currently watching and reread it to Greg out loud. You rock. I hope I get to see you at church tomorrow. 🙂

  2. Your post brought tears to our eyes from laughing so hard. I was laughing out loud reading it and picturing Toto in his masterpiece so Tim came over to read it too. Thanks for sharing!

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