Much of the things I feared about potty training occurred over the last few days. Potty training was definitely one of the things I dreaded most about motherhood, as a new mom. And with good reason.

Going out while potty training. Bad idea.

It started with a trip to Chandler Mall on Saturday. I love Chandler Mall. It’s not the best mall I have ever been to by any stretch of the imagination, but we often go to Superstition Springs Mall, which is about 2 minutes away from our house, and any mall is better than SS Mall. Except that SS Mall now has TWO play areas for kids, and that is awesome. And there are hardly any stores in SS Mall, so my debit card is pretty much always safe when I am there. Except they have a carousel in the food court. Anyhoo, I digress.

So the kids and I picked up our wonderful friend Grace on our way to the mall. As we were driving along Guadalupe, Topher announces he has to pee. Of course he does. And he is wearing undies, so of course, I have to pull over. So I get to a Walgreens, and run to the bathroom. Thank the good Lord that Grace was with me so that she could stay in the car with Lily, who was taking her much-belated nap at 5 in the evening. (How many mom fails can I squeeze into one day? A lot.)

Topher peed and then we were good to go. We get to the mall and things are great. We go to Pottery Barn Kids, which is where Grace needs to purchase some items, and fortunately they have public restrooms that are pretty clean in the back of the store. Lily now has to pee. So we go pee. I ask Topher if he has to pee again, and he says no. He lied.

Tea time. Another bad idea.

After shopping a bit, Grace needs some tea. And she gets me a drink while she gets her drink, because that’s how Generous Grace rolls. And Generous Grace is also Thoughtful Grace Imo (aunt) cause she has asked for two sippy cups so I can share my special drink with my kids. My kids love Grace. I love Grace. It’s a lovefest when we are together. So we are having a great time, walking around the mall, getting towards the play area, drinking our drinks, having a great time.

We get to the play area and Lily gets to running into the play area. I pick Topher up from his seat in the stroller, and he is SOAKED. He has peed so much you would think he hasn’t peed in weeks. The stroller is literally dripping. GROSS. I know. So I take Topher to the bathroom while Grace hangs out with Lily. MOTHERS: do not leave the house while you are potty training your kids! Don’t go out for a month. OR go out in a group where there is an extra adult accompanying you, especially if you have more than 1 kid.

So Topher gets dried up and I put a Pull Up on him and quit worrying about him for the rest of our night out. This Pull Up was an extra lifesaver because Topher ended up dropping the dirtiest poop in it on our way home later on. This kid is not ready to be in undies 24/7. And that’s ok.

Staying home. Potty training still stinks. Literally.

Then yesterday Topher was acting like a giant baby (which he is, cause he isn’t even 2 yet) and soiled 3 undies by 10 am. One of the soiling moments happened while he was trying to pee on the potty. But 1. He still had his undies on. and 2. It happened while he was trying to pee on Lily’s toy potty for her baby doll.

After the morning’s many mishaps, I was ready for a fresh start in the afternoon. I asked Topher if he had to pee in the potty and he said “Yes!” So I picked up the potty that was hanging out near the dining table (what? that’s a good, sanitary place for it…) and as I picked it up real quick to put it in front of Toph, I noticed there was already a lot of pee in it. I noticed because now there was pee on my arm, jeans, foot, and of course- the carpet. I kinda screamed in terror/shock. Lily looked at me and said: “I did pee pee in potty!” Yeah, you did Lils. Yeah, you did.

Some potty training wins

So I hobbled over to the bathroom (again, so thankful for our SMALL apartment right now!) with potty in hand, pee on arm and foot. I tried to get cleaned up as quickly as possible to avoid Topher ruining his 4th pair of undies. Fortunately, I got back to him in just the nick of time. Later on, as I was making dinner, I opened some ricotta cheese, and a yellow-water poured on me once again, causing me to change my outfit again. That had nothing to do with potty training but it did contribute to my already massive pile of laundry. After I made dinner, I attacked the carpet with my Lil’Green Machine so that even if I am constantly wreaking of urine and littered with pee pee stains, my home doesn’t need to be.

And in other potty news, Lily has dropped two of the largest and longest poops in the universe in the toilet this week. She has been happily receiving her cookies, and I have been happily handing them out to her. And that’s all from potty training central. Over and out for now! Hoping to report back with some more wins soon.