my life is an uphill climb. every day. i don’t know why. i’m not a single mother. i have all my limbs. my kids have tantrums every once in awhile- but they are awesome kids. my husband makes a good and honest (though… some might not see it as totally honest, being undercover and all…) living. we live in a house. we have two cars. we have it great. really really great.
but still. i struggle. daily.
what’s my problem?
don’t worry folks. this is not a self-deprecating post. i don’t hate myself- though there are things i really want to change about myself. that i NEED to change about myself. for instance: i try to be organized. i’ll put something very important somewhere very safe. but when i need that important thing- i can’t remember the safe place where i hid it. argh. failure. i usually put three meals on the table every day. but i can’t get my kids (at least the older two) to eat a real vegetable (as in not a french fry!) failure!!!!!!!!!!!!
another major shortcoming- i want things that i am not willing to work for. like i want a clean and organized house- but then i just spend my time looking at things on pinterest to help me get organized, instead of actually putting things away! or i want chris to bring home pay checks that have lots of overtime $$$ on them, but when he actually has to work overtime, i throw a little hissy fit about how he is not home. that’s craziness. but that’s me.
every year we get lots of ‘fresh new starts’. one happened nine days ago. i made some resolutions. and already broke most of em. my birthday’s coming up, so i will probably make some more resolutions. and break those too. we are going to move. AGAIN. in febraury. i hate moving but i secretly love it cause i think i will get rid of the crap we don’t use and start fresh somewhere else (fear not friends! i am moving about a mile and a half from where i am presently blogging…) but alas, i am not diligent and things pile up and amass and then- blah. crap everywhere.
but. i am not here to wallow in my short comings. no! i want to change! and i will!
(cue some inspiring music from Les Mis!)
i want to be better than i am today. i want to be more authentic in every way possible.
the thing that spurred this thought on was while i was in the hospital with mia, i had no less than 20. TWENTY of my closest friends straight up harassing me on how they could possibly be praying for me or serving me in some way, shape, or form. i am blessed. so seriously blessed. but i don’t always act like it. and that’s not ok.
so i will try. try to be more appreciative. more thankful. more accepting. more authentic- in words, thought, actions. and i can’t do that on my own. it sounds cheesy and predictable- but i need more JESUS!
i am part of a small group, and i even have the audacity to lead a group of high school girls with one of my besties, and i serve in the special needs ministry at my church. BUT who cares???? i don’t read my Bible every day. i talk to Jesus everyday, but mostly cause i am begging Him for something- “please help me find this thing that i misplaced! please help me not to psycologically damage my children! please help me to win lots and lots of money even though i haven’t bought a lottery ticket…”
so. Jesus and i. we’re gonna do this. we’re gonna make 2013 awesomer than 2012. and even with how much 2012 sucked in it’s sucky moments (mia in the hospital!!!!!)- it was still pretty awesome! but 2013 is going to be even better folks. so hold on to your hats.
from here on out- every time i blog, i am going to add a bible verse. cause there’s a verse for everything! and even though i primarily blog to preserve the memory of my crazy family life- i also blog cause i want to encourage you my dear reader. whether you are a mom of 1 or 50, or you happen to be my grandparents (thanks for reading grandma and grandpa!), or someone who likes reading random stories about people you don’t know- i want to encourage you. cause we all need some encouragement
so here we go:
“He must increase, but I must decrease.” john 3:30
it’s my ‘magic formula’ to making 2013 a great year. a lot less of me and a lot more of Him.
Perfectly said my good friend! Exactly the kick in the pants I needed. Soggy eyes for the second time this morning. Thanks for being you and sharing it with us.
Hugs from cold Africa. Janice
I can't imagine a more awesome Jihae. But I'm here bask in your even more "awesomeness".
I love you. I get exactly where you are coming from.